The Sacrament Of Reconciliation.

These 4 words alone - although part and parcel of the Catholic church - often strikes fear deep in the hearts of even the bravest, macho-est men.

And women.

Why so?

I believe that apart from death, heights, slimy worms, and lawyers, a lot of us fear the most having to cough out our deepest, darkest wrongdoings in the presence of another human being.

In other words, being afraid of being looked down upon by other members of society.

In other words, putting our pride above other things.

More often than not, on top of God.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation I feel gives me that chance to really humble myself before God the Father who sees all things, even sins; by acknowledging my sinning ways and confessing my most personal failings, of which I would rather die first than have another person know.

For those not in the know, the Sacrament of Reconciliation is a sacred ritual in the Catholic church where a person confesses his/her sins to God through a representative of His (usually a priest), and the sins are absolved.

Which then leads to the mandatory question:

Why confess your sins to a priest when you can commune with God directly?

The Bible - the Word of God - points out that Christ intended for us to seek forgiveness this way:

"...confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed"
-- James 5:16

...which clearly indicates confession to another person, and who better to confess to than a priest?

And,

"...they (the crowds) were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to human beings."
-- Matthew 9:8

...which shows that God does indeed give a certain amount of authority to a certain amount of people for His greater glory, in this case His representative.

AND, to throw in one more,

"...he (Jesus) breathed on them (the apostles) and said to them, 'Receive the holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained'"
-- John 20:22

...in the words of Joanna Bogle, how could the apostles announce that sins are to be forgiven if they had no idea what people's sins were? How would there be forgiveness if sins went unmentioned?

******************

I used to really freak out when that time of the year came; when they announced in the SFX Diary that penitential services would be upcoming at a so-and-so place and a so-and-so time.

When I was young(er) - and dashing (still am) - I would conveniently “fall asleep” at home just before the service itself, in the hope that my family would leave for confession without me only for my dad to exclaim on the way to church: "Oh dear me, we left Aaron at home! Too late to turn back now, though. Oh well."

Fat hope.

They came to wake me up.

I even tried faking illness a few times: lamely belting out a few coughs here and there, with a sneeze thrown in for good measure; having "diarrhoea" when all I was doing was reading newspapers on the loo.

**Admittedly though, it worked, and I felt extremely guilty after that for having taken advantage of my grandparents' affinity for their grandchildren.**

These methods, of course, wore out after awhile, and I had to grudgingly follow my family for confession with severe palpitations of the heart.

This "grudginess" continued until I went for the Peninsular Malaysia Catholic Charismatic Convention '03, where I bumped into my uncle who was there as well. We were talking about family, what he'd been up to and the weather, when suddenly for no apparent reason (be it divine guidance) he mentioned something about him going for this talk after which he found no reason NOT to fear going for confession.

Strange as it may seem - he didn't have to describe the talk, or what the speaker had said, or even give me his life-changing testimony - just the casual mention that he went for the talk got me thinking: why was I terrified about going for confession?

I couldn't come up with a good answer.

That incident, coupled with my becoming affiliated with Lifeline and hence “getting excited about God" has changed my outlook on confession: since then, I have approached penitential services with almost zealousness, even being the one to tell my family - and remind them - about upcoming services.

I haven't got to the stage where I go for confession on a weekly basis (as the Pope does), but I now go for confession with renewed confidence (and the necessary nervousness of course), knowing that the cleansing it provides is essential for my spiritual growth, after having found it difficult - and in a way hypocritical - for me to serve the Lord with some nagging sins at the back of my mind.

After all, it's nearly impossible for the priest to remember exactly what you did after hearing out a hundred other people.

And, there's the (unhelpful) assurance that the priest cannot remember your sins due to the divine nature of the forgiveness.

Sure he can't.